it all started with a small, insignificant dream of mine.
most children wanted to become a doctor, a lawyer, a pilot — any professional figure we were societally exposed to, you name it. it was lightweight, no careful thought process nor consequences to it, and it became something we held onto until we finally figured out our genuine interest, any life purpose, any reason of being.
my pediatrician was that inspirational figure. i remember how she encouraged me to become a doctor and how it has been imprinted on my memory ever since. i grew up carrying that spirit. it never changed, until one time in high school, i was faced with this dilemma and had a long contemplation about whether to pursue design/architecture or medicine. i have diverse interests in many things — they were not exactly what i wanted to pursue for a lifetime career, but medicine is also a needle to thread.
my grandmother has always wanted one of her grandchildren to become a doctor, but it was merely a glimmer of hope. and after all that dilemma, i found myself back to seeing medicine as the career of my choice. there was never a force in the process of me choosing this path, rather a gentle push of desire. they have always put their faith in me and like that, i was assured. had i not become a doctor, i would have pursued art, and they would’ve supported me either way.
this is why i won’t refer to it as a mere calling, because it was actually my own careful and pointed decision.
i was aware of the consequences and the responsibilities and whatnot, although not thoroughly, although not really because some truths and lessons were meant to be acquired from actual experiences and i just learned about them afterwards while knowing there is no going back. however, i learned so much in the process of me becoming. there is this sense of personal fulfillment in the art of healing, in taking care and being someone a lot of people trust their lives with — and that i couldn’t get if i was anywhere else. there are turning points that changed the way i looked at life, and those priceless moments and experiences make me forget how much taking this path has costed me.
i believe everything happens for a reason and that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. there are days went by with me pondering my life’s choices and whether i tread the path of right or wrong, moments where i wish things would’ve been easier, times where i wish i could’ve known better. i still wonder if i will ever be good enough, if i can prove that i am capable, but i can’t picture myself anywhere else despite it all. blessings come in many forms, and most of the time they are in human form. i do not have the capacity to name all the people and things that helped me get this far, but they are definitely the proof that hard work isn’t the only thing that keeps me afloat.
i remember the moment my parents put on my white coat. for a moment, i felt like blanketed in this tangible form of 6 years of everything. of responsibility and trust and hope and all the things that helped shaping me into who i am today. and i am still growing into it. as i solemnly swore the hippocratic oath, every word sent shivers down my spine. it’s more than my long overdue childhood dream. it’s more than a reputable, prestigious title. it’s beyond me and my parents’ dream. it’s a reminder of the lifelong commitment i have chosen to make.
and i wish to grow and continue to develop both as a doctor and as a human.
this is the path of my choice, and after everything, it’s finally worthwhile.
